Thanksgiving Day seems like a perfect day to explain how it ended. When I got back to Carol's house, she was very understanding and said she did not intend for me to feel I had to leave. That made me feel a teensy bit better but I knew there had to be another option.
The next morning I was up early and at the dog park. My friend Delores, a lady in her 70s, was there with her dog Mocha, a large chocolate lab. Delores was also having a difficult time since she had to close her small business several months earlier. She had been looking for work ever since, but nothing was working out and she was struggling to put food on the table.
When Delores heard my problem she immediately insisted Red and I move in with her. For the next ten days we had a great time together, watching old movies, sharing meals and playing with her dogs. My social security money came and I was able to stock her pantry. Ben came to dinner every few days, finally getting out of the house and making a new friend.
At last the day of the hearing arrived. I had no doubt the judge would rule in my favor since I came armed with the original police report and had Ben as a witness that I hadn't slapped Leonard. The hearing took over an hour. It finally ended when Leonard's said I had tried to kill him by punching himin the ears with two fists. The police report showed that they had examined him withiin an hour of the alledged incident and found no marks or redness.
When the judge said that he had first said I slapped him he screamed "I never said that". At that point the judge ruled and had the bailiff escort him to his truck. So my troubles weren't over but my homelessness was. Ben and I went back to Delores' place to report in and later that night I was in my own bed with my dog sleeping beside.
So why did I originally say this was one of the best things that ever happened to me? Because that afternoon when I was sobbing in my car, I had done everything I could do and was brought to one of the lowest points in my life. And my Lord said "Be still and know that I am God".
I was carried through the two weeks by the Lord working through his servents Carol and Delores. I got to know each of them far better than I would have otherwise and know that they, like me, are very flawed people. But they reached out to me in love and appreared when I needed them and I know this was by design, not chance.
Do I still worry about the future? Sure, but not like before. I still have financial problems caused by the amount I had to pay Leonard to leave, but I know I'll find my way through. I just have to do my best and trust God to do whatever else is needed to get me to where He wants me.
Love to you all.
Amy
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The first weekend
Stayiing in someone else's home is very stressful. Carol and Jerry hadn't recovered from their 50th wedding anniversary the week before. All of their family from out of town had come including their three children, grandchildren, siblings, cousins and one uncle. At the actual party there were over 70 people.
So my showing up with dog in tow only 5 days later was pretty tough on Carol who was dealing with something that looked a lot like fibromyalgia. I could see she was really tired and helped as much as I could, but it seemed like everytime she would say she was going to rest, we would end up in deep conversation.
Besides the uncertainty of my situation, both Ben and I were afraid that at any time Leonard would do the same thing to Ben. He was avoiding talking to his dad as much as possible because Ben knew it would turn into a heated argument. He was constantly afraid his dad would call the police on him and kept a bag packed just in case.
On Sunday I called Peter to ask if Ben could stay with him in Tubac, but Pete said it wasn't a good time. We just had to bide our time until Tuesday when the Green Valley Justice Court would be open. Tuesday morning came and I was feeling upbeat, anxious to "have my day in court". I told Carol I was determined to be out of he house asap.
The people at the court were very nice and efficient. They gave me the form for my answer to Leonard's petition and helped my fill it out. Then they gave me my court date. July 15th. Ten days away. I sat there and then said "That's a long time to be homeless". All the lady could do was nod.
The court was only a few blocks from Carol and Jerry's place and on the way back was when I finally broke down, I pulled the car over to the side of the road and sobbed.
So my showing up with dog in tow only 5 days later was pretty tough on Carol who was dealing with something that looked a lot like fibromyalgia. I could see she was really tired and helped as much as I could, but it seemed like everytime she would say she was going to rest, we would end up in deep conversation.
Besides the uncertainty of my situation, both Ben and I were afraid that at any time Leonard would do the same thing to Ben. He was avoiding talking to his dad as much as possible because Ben knew it would turn into a heated argument. He was constantly afraid his dad would call the police on him and kept a bag packed just in case.
On Sunday I called Peter to ask if Ben could stay with him in Tubac, but Pete said it wasn't a good time. We just had to bide our time until Tuesday when the Green Valley Justice Court would be open. Tuesday morning came and I was feeling upbeat, anxious to "have my day in court". I told Carol I was determined to be out of he house asap.
The people at the court were very nice and efficient. They gave me the form for my answer to Leonard's petition and helped my fill it out. Then they gave me my court date. July 15th. Ten days away. I sat there and then said "That's a long time to be homeless". All the lady could do was nod.
The court was only a few blocks from Carol and Jerry's place and on the way back was when I finally broke down, I pulled the car over to the side of the road and sobbed.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
How we got there
So by now I’ve caused a storm of concern over the fact I didn’t tell my peeps outside of Arizona that Red and I were in trouble. Partly because I didn’t want to worry relatives and friends in a way I thought was unnecessary at the time, partly because I new it wouldn’t last (although 16 days was longer than expected, partly because so many friends in Green Valley were as supportive as they could be.
To those of you I am truly sorry, but I just didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t want to worry you when I knew it would eventually work out. I just didn’t know how long eventually would be.
I was in a constant state of tension and fatigue. It all seemed too hard. My ex and I had been negotiating a modified spousal support agreement after my forced retirement. This had been going o for six weeks and we were at a standoff. Not about the amount, but about what would happen first - a signature on paper or handing over a cashier’s check. I was adamant about having the signed agreement before giving him the money.
His solution to the stalemate was to file an order of protection saying I had slapped him. The police who served the order were very nice and spent 45 minutes with me explaining my options and how to request a hearing. But in the end I had 15 minutes to gather my things and leave.
Several of the people, reacting to my predicament have said that it’s ridiculous that a person can be thrown out of their home based solely on someone else’s word before their side of the story can be heard.
I don’t agree with that view. I think the number of people who are truly in fear of someone in their household is way greater than the few who use an order of protection spitefully. I’m glad that our legal system offers immediate relief to people who are afraid for their persons and the welfare of those they love.
What I didn’t agree with is that he could force my dog to go with me, even though our son who lived with us was willing and able to care for him. It wasn’t like Red would bother my ex. The poor dog slinks away from him.
To those of you I am truly sorry, but I just didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t want to worry you when I knew it would eventually work out. I just didn’t know how long eventually would be.
I was in a constant state of tension and fatigue. It all seemed too hard. My ex and I had been negotiating a modified spousal support agreement after my forced retirement. This had been going o for six weeks and we were at a standoff. Not about the amount, but about what would happen first - a signature on paper or handing over a cashier’s check. I was adamant about having the signed agreement before giving him the money.
His solution to the stalemate was to file an order of protection saying I had slapped him. The police who served the order were very nice and spent 45 minutes with me explaining my options and how to request a hearing. But in the end I had 15 minutes to gather my things and leave.
Several of the people, reacting to my predicament have said that it’s ridiculous that a person can be thrown out of their home based solely on someone else’s word before their side of the story can be heard.
I don’t agree with that view. I think the number of people who are truly in fear of someone in their household is way greater than the few who use an order of protection spitefully. I’m glad that our legal system offers immediate relief to people who are afraid for their persons and the welfare of those they love.
What I didn’t agree with is that he could force my dog to go with me, even though our son who lived with us was willing and able to care for him. It wasn’t like Red would bother my ex. The poor dog slinks away from him.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The first morning
At 9:30 am on July 1st I was sitting on a bench at the dog park, my dog Red at my side. My electronics, important files and some clothes were in my car. For some reason this included a black floor length dress with deep v-neck in back and front and a round rhinestone pin. Why I thought I needed to take that dress I will never know, because I had $17 in my bank account, no matching shoes and we were homeless.
At least I had half a large bag of dog food.
If it was just me, it wouldn’t have bothered me much. You don’t freeze to death in Arizona in the summer and it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford to lose a few pounds. Unfortunately it wasn’t just me and the temperature was inching up into the 100s. And it was the start of a four day weekend.
When you have someone from whom you expect obedience and loyalty, you have an absolute responsibility to care and provide for that someone. Even, or maybe especially, if that someone is an animal.
So is this the worst thing that ever happened to me? Actually it ended up being one of the luckiest days of my life. On one level I think I knew that even while I was feeling incredibly stressed and I was proved right.
The question running around and around in my mind was where could I possibly go to keep Red cool. Peter’s house was out of the question when his cats, Pookah and the Holy Tara, completely freaked the night we visited and stayed out on the patio. Asking friends to put me up when a dog is part of the equation seemed totally out of line.
As I sat there my phone pinged, informing me that I had something on my calendar. It was a reminder that the first drawing class that my friend Carol was holding at her house was in 15 minutes. On a hunch, I called Carol and asked if Red could come with me to class. At least we would have a couple of hours of air conditioning.
Carol was very welcoming and Red was really good. Her husband Jerry quickly overcame Red’s protectiveness (“don’t come near my mom!) and after lunch they offered to let me stay for a few days. Jerry makes an excellent lunch.
At least I had half a large bag of dog food.
If it was just me, it wouldn’t have bothered me much. You don’t freeze to death in Arizona in the summer and it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford to lose a few pounds. Unfortunately it wasn’t just me and the temperature was inching up into the 100s. And it was the start of a four day weekend.
When you have someone from whom you expect obedience and loyalty, you have an absolute responsibility to care and provide for that someone. Even, or maybe especially, if that someone is an animal.
So is this the worst thing that ever happened to me? Actually it ended up being one of the luckiest days of my life. On one level I think I knew that even while I was feeling incredibly stressed and I was proved right.
The question running around and around in my mind was where could I possibly go to keep Red cool. Peter’s house was out of the question when his cats, Pookah and the Holy Tara, completely freaked the night we visited and stayed out on the patio. Asking friends to put me up when a dog is part of the equation seemed totally out of line.
As I sat there my phone pinged, informing me that I had something on my calendar. It was a reminder that the first drawing class that my friend Carol was holding at her house was in 15 minutes. On a hunch, I called Carol and asked if Red could come with me to class. At least we would have a couple of hours of air conditioning.
Carol was very welcoming and Red was really good. Her husband Jerry quickly overcame Red’s protectiveness (“don’t come near my mom!) and after lunch they offered to let me stay for a few days. Jerry makes an excellent lunch.
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