The first weekend

Stayiing in someone else's home is very stressful. Carol and Jerry hadn't recovered from their 50th wedding anniversary the week before. All of their family from out of town had come including their three children, grandchildren, siblings, cousins and one uncle. At the actual party there were over 70 people.

So my showing up with dog in tow only 5 days later was pretty tough on Carol who was dealing with something that looked a lot like fibromyalgia. I could see she was really tired and helped as much as I could, but it seemed like everytime she would say she was going to rest, we would end up in deep conversation.

Besides the uncertainty of my situation, both Ben and I were afraid that at any time Leonard would do the same thing to Ben. He was avoiding talking to his dad as much as possible because Ben knew it would turn into a heated argument. He was constantly afraid his dad would call the police on him and kept a bag packed just in case.

On Sunday I called Peter to ask if Ben could stay with him in Tubac, but Pete said it wasn't a good time. We just had to bide our time until Tuesday when the Green Valley Justice Court would be open. Tuesday morning came and I was feeling upbeat, anxious to "have my day in court". I told Carol I was determined to be out of he house asap.

The people at the court were very nice and efficient. They gave me the form for my answer to Leonard's petition and helped my fill it out. Then they gave me my court date. July 15th. Ten days away. I sat there and then said "That's a long time to be homeless". All the lady could do was nod.

The court was only a few blocks from Carol and Jerry's place and on the way back was when I finally broke down, I pulled the car over to the side of the road and sobbed.

How we got there

So by now I’ve caused a storm of concern over the fact I didn’t tell my peeps outside of Arizona that Red and I were in trouble. Partly because I didn’t want to worry relatives and friends in a way I thought was unnecessary at the time, partly because I new it wouldn’t last (although 16 days was longer than expected, partly because so many friends in Green Valley were as supportive as they could be.

To those of you I am truly sorry, but I just didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t want to worry you when I knew it would eventually work out. I just didn’t know how long eventually would be.

I was in a constant state of tension and fatigue. It all seemed too hard. My ex and I had been negotiating a modified spousal support agreement after my forced retirement. This had been going o for six weeks and we were at a standoff. Not about the amount, but about what would happen first - a signature on paper or handing over a cashier’s check. I was adamant about having the signed agreement before giving him the money.

His solution to the stalemate was to file an order of protection saying I had slapped him. The police who served the order were very nice and spent 45 minutes with me explaining my options and how to request a hearing. But in the end I had 15 minutes to gather my things and leave.

Several of the people, reacting to my predicament have said that it’s ridiculous that a person can be thrown out of their home based solely on someone else’s word before their side of the story can be heard.

I don’t agree with that view. I think the number of people who are truly in fear of someone in their household is way greater than the few who use an order of protection spitefully. I’m glad that our legal system offers immediate relief to people who are afraid for their persons and the welfare of those they love.

What I didn’t agree with is that he could force my dog to go with me, even though our son who lived with us was willing and able to care for him. It wasn’t like Red would bother my ex. The poor dog slinks away from him.